Thursday, January 24, 2002

ENRON AND ON AND ON AND ON
Chris from PA said it best - This Enron thing is like watching a slow motion train wreck. I hear that. My fave news item today - George Bush is mad about Enron! Finally, after days of muting his opinion, GW discovered his Mother-In-Law Lost Money With Enron. Yeah, Laura's Momma took a bath to the tune of $8,000 on Enron stock and that makes GW hopping mad like a horny toad! Just remember what my broker always says - it's not a loss until you sell it.

I think this illustrates my theory that Republicans only care about issues when it affects them directly.

The same can not be said for the immpecably groomed and formerly fat Reverend Al Sharpton. Though he had not a dime invested in Enron, the right Reverend is flying to Houston to take up the cause of those Enron workers who lost millions by being so stupid as to invest their entire 401K plans in Enron stock. Didn't anyone suspect anything in that place? I can't speak for everyone, but in every corporate job I've ever had, the drones knew when business was crumbling years before the suits.

The Reverend Al has even offered to help Bush's Mother-In-Law in her claims againt Enron. Okay, so maybe future presidental candidate Al Sharpton is getting some political milage out of this parade of injustice. Maybe a lot of political milage. Okay, Al's just as full of shit as the Republicans. Let's agree on that. But he's been consistently full of shit, and for that, I respect him.

Let's also agree that Enron CEO Ken Lay deserves several years behind bars with some large, affectionate criminal men and several slippery bars of soap. Luckily, Kenneth Lay has resigned as Enron Chairman/CEO, which should clear his calendar for the next 20 years or so in preparation for his trip to the Big House.

Unfortunately, my dreams of retribution and responsibility will likely evaporate in a haze of deal-making and ass-covering. Already, a former Enron auditor has refused to testify before Congress without immunity. I heard he really wanted to chat with the congressmen, but his speech was accidently shreded along with every other document at the Enron branch of Arthur Anderson (oops!).

So this guy wants immunity before he talks? Instead, how about somebody slap some cuffs on him and haul his ass to the Big House for an evening of anal fun while his lawyer rounds up bail? Maybe that'll loosen his lips. I respect the 5th Amendment, but the idea that a multi-billion company implodes and all those responsible are still walking around ordering shreding makes me crazy. If these guys had ripped off $50 from a 7-11, they'd be looking at 10 years hard time. As it is, everyone hires a lawyer, gets their stories straight, cops a plea and blames the other guy.

And you know that in the end, nobody's going to jail for this. They'll plea, get immunity or be convicted and sentenced, then appeal for years until it's overturned by a friendly judge and swept under the rug. Maybe Ken Lay will get 3 years - tops - in a country club jail. Shit, I'd go to country club jail for three years if I could walk out knowing my bank accounts held a few hundred million. But maybe that's me. I like to read.

My guess? Ken Lay is rehabilitated in time to do fund-raising for Jeb Bush's presidential run in 2008. And once again, it will be proven that Law and Order Candidate really means candidates who want the right to choose which laws are ordered enforced.

BTW - Florida is already simmering with election fever. I just saw a bumper sticker that said Re-Elect Gore in 2004. I think Gore should remain politically retired, but I still like the bumper sticker.

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